Friday, February 11, 2011

Mutual Simultaneous Oragenitalism: aka, 69!

Couples, male/male, male/female , female/female, and every gender combination, may enjoy 69 for many reasons. 69 can be fun, help mix things up and offer a bit of excitement by trying something new. In fact, the novelty of it alone can be exciting, especially if it’s something new for one or both partners. It’s also one of those popular sexual positions we tend to hear about a lot in common discourse, so it can feel exciting to actually “do it.” But for those of us who aren’t acrobats…how does it work?

Head to Tail
The classic position is one person on top of the other with their bodies inverted, like that of 69. With each person’s face lined up with their partner’s genitals, they can simultaneously give each other oral stimulation, while also receiving pleasure from their partner! Some people report that more than when one person is performing oral sex on the other at a time, the 69 position feels more intimate. This may be due to one person being positioned “on top” or above the other, with their butt facing their partners face and mouth. This certainly is a more vulnerable position and can add to the excitement or feel uncomfortable.

If the person on top is heavier, they may not want to lie down on their partner with their full weight, but rather support themselves above them using their knees and hands or elbows for support. The person on the bottom can hold their partner’s hips to help control movement to avoid gagging or suffocation.

Some couples prefer to lie next to each other, on their sides, inverted to in the 69 position. This can take the pressure off either person needing to hold themselves above the other. You can use each other’s thighs as head rest as you perform oral delights on each other. This side by side position is also ideal if your 69 session lasts for awhile.

To keep things interesting, switch up the top and the bottom or move from lying on top of each other to lying side by side.

Belly to Belly
While it can be hot to try a new position, the multi tasking aspect of 69 can take a while to finesse. When you’re focused on licking or sucking your partner, it takes away from you experiencing the pleasure your partner is giving you. Our tip? Don’t take “simultaneous pleasure” so seriously.
Experiment with taking a break from moving your mouth to absorb the pleasure you are receiving. Then start up again with providing the stimulation yourself. It doesn’t have to be a race, either. Take your time and enjoy the experience. In fact, as your partner nears closer to orgasm, you might focus less on your own pleasure (and they on stimulating you). Aiming for simultaneous orgasm while 69-ing takes a ton of communication about how aroused both of you are. If you’re up for it, just make sure it remains fun and pleasurable. And don’t feel bad when it doesn’t happen.

Not Only Oral
Mutual rimming (oral stimulation of the anus) can also be part of 69 play. Be sure to ask your partner if they are ok with this first, as the anus can be a “no zone” for people due to taboos about cleanliness, feces, homophobia, etc. And sixty-nining doesn’t have to involve oral at all. While in the position, you can use fingers, hands and sex toys to stimulate your partner in addition to your mouth and tongue. This can be particularly helpful for couples who have a bigger discrepancy in height that makes simultaneous oral sex difficult.

Reader Feedback:
We are thankful to have received some reader feedback about our column last week in which we discussed the rating change (from NC-17 to R) in the movie Blue Valentine, starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.

UW wrote:
“I haven’t seen the movie, but assuming you have, I’m surprised you describe the sex scene as ‘consensual’ and Michelle Williams’ character as ‘receiving pleasure.’ Based only on what I’ve read of the movie, it’s been described as nonconsensual and bordering on rape because the Gosling character wants to have sex, Williams’ character doesn’t and he pressures her until she eventually gives in and goes along with it but looks uncomfortable and miserable through the whole thing…Now it’s still fair to ask why other movies with coercive or rape scenes in them don’t also get the NC-17 rating. It may not be rape but according to reviews, it probably shouldn’t be described as a consensual pleasure-fest either.”

While we haven’t heard or read those reviews, we have heard that the scene is consensual and complex. We are eager to hear from readers who have seen the movie, to view it ourselves (it hasn’t been in any theatres in our community, surprise, surprise) and to continue the dialogue about the issues of sex and consent!

Send in your feedback to or find us on Facebook at Doin’ It Well!

Posted by Jo Sanger & Ross Wantland in 18:23:39

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